“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” Buddy Hackett

What’s drinking?
A mere pause from thinking!
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, The Deformed Transformed

You don’t have to be a beer drinker to play darts, but it helps.
One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.  ~Lady Astor

If drinking is interfering with your work, you’re probably a heavy drinker.  If work is interfering with your drinking, you’re probably an alcoholic.

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  ~Ernest Hemingway

I’m also not very analytical. You know I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things.
- George W. Bush

Many things upset my stomach but chicken is not one of them.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

A wiggly, giggly bundle of fun, we have a huggable, lovable new baby son.

Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes, she’s cute as a button, sweet as a rose.

“When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.”

Blair Sabol

A crying baby is the best form of birth control.

Carole Tabron

Be you in what line of life you may, it will be amongst your misfortunes if you have not time properly to attend to pecuniary [monetary] matters. Want of attention to these matters has impeded the progress of science and of genius itself.
William Cobbett

Before you contradict an old man, my fair friend, you should endeavor to understand him.

-George Santayana